Confessions

This post is not like the others. 

It’s more of a self realization put down so if I need to later be told by myself  direction to head this will help remind me. 

I’ve not yet confessed in blogging where we are and why. 

Why because we’re headed West-ish again. 

This was not the plan.

Rent is very high on the East  Coast. Considering it’s the east, what wages are there and climate.  Should be easy.. not so much.  Every second place is taken up as a vacation rental.  Chained up, boarded off, gates closed… one even had a bus deliberately high centered to block road access are all these properties. The rest are mostly lease rentals and very few like pets. So it came down to one really. From pictures I loved it. It would have been ideal for two people.  Not for one. Why, because driving around currently comes with unemployment. As a single mother homeschooling which ads a while different level of complexity it became too much.  As two people it would have been great. On one income we wouldn’t have made it home for the boys grade seven graduation. That’s an important one. 

So after another costly breakdown of the belts (which I avoided for nearly 700km) The plug had to be pulled on PEI. So West we go again. Coast to coast twice in three months. My ass is already numb  from sitting so much lol. 
Here’s the heartbreaking thing. 

I’ve always been a very self defined  West Coast girl.  I love the Pacific, salmon, beaches and greenery. I thought I loved the mountains,  but turns out I don’t
Driving affords you the luxury of lots of endless  time for thoughts. Anyone who knows me can attest to how fast I can talk. Well, I think my thought process is even faster. This is not always a good thing as I can miss words when talking, jump around in conversations or think I’ve said more than I have, meanwhile people are left trying to figure out what I’m saying. From. All this time left to think I’ve realized I don’t love the mountains. I like rolling hills.  I like fishing villages,cute little shops, history, colours. Most especially I like cliffs. 

PEI is where. I felt at ease. Where my soul was more at rest and where  I was comfortable to just be. Whereas normally I run amock all the time. I loved the West side, in all its rugged, rather untouched glory.  The tiny unassuming houses. The farm land stretched out over a kilometer only to drop off a cliff. The fog that rolled in so heavily.  The many abandonded places leaving tales very few travellers will ever know.  The Cabot trail was very similar in seascape. That’s a land I fell in love with. Where I felt like I was truly home.  That’s where I’m meant to be and I honestly 100% believe it. 
However the reality is I’m a mother first.  Providing a home, safety and security for my child comes first.  I could live in anything and work on my own, find roommate etc. But motherhood changes freedoms. I have few when it comes to any exclusivity of life. I don’t have luxury of weekends off or a even consistently involved ex. My choices are not for me but for her. 

So west we go, for a few reasons. . She’d like to visit her friends and from time you time we could go to the valley and meet up. Though we’ll never live there again as it’s unsafe for us. We’ll be there for graduation come June (and Deadpool she reminds me frequently) and we can live in the RV out there. Climate wise we’ve got our home with us there. So that cuts costs dramatically vs a crazy heating bill ontop of rent and firewood out East.

One day I’ll get to see Samuels  Holiday House and meet Arnold. Who was super kind in messaging back forth so much and in being willing to have us live at his summer rental. I regret not seeing it but it would have been hard to leave if I had. Online it looks amazing and the location is ideal. I’d recommend it to anyone. 

If the RV hadn’t cost so much to repair on the road or consumed so much gas we’d have stayed.  It would have been affordable… or budgetable then.  However the experience has been amazing. Everyone we meet says it’s on their bucket list. Very few we meet have done it.  Savannah has now been to all the capitals in nine provinces. She gets references in songs from the Arrogant Worms about Quebec 🙂 She knows forts, fur trade routes and pelts really well. She’s witnessed spectacular things and covered Canadian history for the next few years of school. For that I’m beyond glad and I have no regrets. This experience will be just shy of the time I lived in Mexico as a preteen, after moving down there in a bus. I know how much that left an impression on me so I’m sure this will do the same for her. 

But that doesn’t mean my heart didn’t break, more than just a bit, when I had to choose for the better of my family, to drive past the highway exit that led back to PEI and drive West. I put on sunglasses and just took a moment to myself. This is a very hard thing to do when an 11 year old is watching you from two feet away and you’re only living in twenty six feet to start with.  
So we’re five days in several thousand kilometers down and due west-ish.

The trip back has been a hilarious mix of more exploration and Savannah constantly saying “Ohhh I remember that! This is so much more going back and seeing it all again!!” While I sit there and look at her with a “Really? Really!?” Look on my face.  

I know now where I should be… maybe it’ll be next year or maybe she’ll have graduated before I go again. 

Maybe a cheap house will show up on the market or a job tending land for those unused vacation homes. Maybe next year it’ll be the time for use to stay there. Maybe I’ll play and win the lottery. Or find a fisherman or a miners. Lol 

I don’t know. 

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